Tag Archives: old flame

The thing about old flames is…

25 Jun


QUESTION: Eighteen years ago, before I met my husband, I was madly in love with a married man. We parted because he had young children. We lost touch, but recently he contacted me via Facebook.  He wants to meet ‘one last time’. I adore my husband and children, but long to relive that intense passion. How can I resist this appeal?


Dear Puzzled,

First read this on limerance.  You can’t even begin to address your issue if you don’t understand limerance.  What you had with your old flame is an infatuation.  It’s an amazing feeling and who wouldn’t want to experience that feeling over again.  Intense passion is a lot of fun so go easy on yourself for wanting to relive that part of your life.  That said it’s not in the same ballpark as what you have with your husband which is a loving long term partnership involving children.  That is as connected as it gets.  For poly folk we understand the difference between hot new passion and long term love and commitment.  If you do understand the difference it’s possible to have both so long as you always give your existing relationships the attention they deserve.

In your situation I would meet with your old flame if you like so long as you understand the boundaries of your existing relationship prevent you from fulfilling the desires that might come out of a meeting.  It might be nice to catch up.  Only do this if you are confident you can keep your head on straight.  Good luck.


If you would like a personal question answered directly please send me an email at dearpoly@gmail.com  I’d love to hear from you!