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Swingers next door! Mmmmm….

4 Jul

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-2309001/Rowan-Pellings-sex-advice-Im-embarrassed–I-think-new-friends-swingers.html

Question: My husband and I recently met another couple through our children’s school PTA meetings, and we instantly hit it off.

They’ve asked us round for dinner and a movie, but now another friend has told us they’re swingers.

I’m anxious I might have misread their intentions; the wife is very tactile and keeps telling me I’m attractive. How can I back out without causing offence?

Prude

Dear Prude,

You probably have not misread their intentions.  Casual touching and being tactile is the way you show interest in being physically intimate with someone.  Is that so bad?  Generally speaking I think it’s nice when people find me attractive even when I’m not interested.  That said if you aren’t interested it’s not a big deal.  Most people can be friends with someone with a different religion.  Swingers have friend they don’t sleep with.  It’s not that big a deal.

Why not just ask if they are swingers and how that lifestyle has worked for them?  You can listen politely and perhaps learn a few things and then say you aren’t interested but are happy it works for them.  Hopefully you can still enjoy their company as friends.  Good luck.

Poly

If you would like a personal question answered directly please send me an email at dearpoly@gmail.com  I’d love to hear from you!

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Crappy sex, should I leave?

3 Jul

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-2291280/Rowan-Pellings-sex-advice-column-Help-My-man-bores-bed.html

QUESTION: My sex life with my boyfriend of a year is dull because he only ever wants to have sex in the same position. I’ve tried to talk to him about it, but he shies away from intimate conversations. I love him and don’t want to end the relationship, but I can’t bear such routine love-making.

Bored

Dear Bored,

It’s sad when people have trouble addressing issues.  I think this is one that should be workable.  Have you told him how important it is that you have a fulfilling sex life?  This is different than suggesting different positions.  You need to make sure he understands the importance of the issue for you and that it may soon become a deal breaker.  How much experience does he have?  Is it significantly different than yours?  Maybe is self-conscious due to lack of experience.  It’s difficult for lots of people to talk about intimate acts.  I’m particularly talkative both during and after because I feel like communication aids you ability to become a fulfilling lover.  However for some of my lovers it’s very new to talk about sex at all.

Some people might feel like bad sex isn’t worth leaving a relationship over.  Personally I think unless you are in an open relationship when you can get your physical needs met elsewhere bad sex is a definite deal breaker.  Don’t feel bad for needing more than he is able to provide if it ends up going this way.  Good luck,

Poly

If you would like a personal question answered directly please send me an email at dearpoly@gmail.com  I’d love to hear from you!

How much sex is enough?

1 Jul

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-2283872/Rowan-Pellings-sex-advice-column-Im-jealous-friends-sex-life.html

QUESTION: A good friend is always going on about how much sex she has with her husband.  I’ve been with my partner for 14 years — like my pal and her spouse — and we’re lucky if we make love once a month (although it’s great when it happens). I’d blame it on our kids, but my friend has children, too. How can I stop feeling inadequate by comparison?

Frustrated

Dear Frustrated,

The issue isn’t your friend.  Him bragging is just the catalyst.  If he was an avid golfer and you didn’t much care for the sport would him bragging about his golfing performance bother you?  Probably not.  So the issue is he has touched on a subject that is a sore spot for you.  Presumably because YOU ONLY GET LAID ONCE A MONTH.

The tone of your note suggests you would prefer more physical intimacy.  I suspect most people have physical desires for more than once a month sex.  Have you discussed this with your partner?  Do you know why you two don’t make time for one of the most fun, free connected activities with incredible health benefits?  You wouldn’t feel inadequate if you were happy with once a month sex. So go address the real root cause of the issue and have a conversation with your partner.  You should also stop being mad at your friend who just gets laid more than you but really means you no ill will and .   Good luck.

Poly

If you would like a personal question answered directly please send me an email at dearpoly@gmail.com  I’d love to hear from you!