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Rogue in-law

31 May

http://www.elle.com/life-love/ask-e-jean/ask-e-jean-reverse-psychology

I’ve been in an extremely satisfying relationship with my boyfriend for the past two years. Both our families love us as a couple. Since we moved in together six months ago, however, his mother (Sara) insists on introducing me to her friends and relatives as her son’s fiancée—even though he hasn’t proposed yet! People invariably ask to see the ring (SHOCK—I have none) or ask how he proposed (GASP—he hasn’t yet), and his mom (Sara) just stands there and smiles and smiles. How can I get her to stop doing this? The poor man hasn’t even had a chance to get down on one knee! —Frustrated and Flustered

Dear Frustrated,

I’m worried for you.  This is a really simple problem to address both with your boyfriend’s Mom and in the moment.  In the moment all you have to do is correct her in public.  Why should you take the heat for crazy Mom’s fantasies?  Just laugh when they ask to see your ring and say, “We aren’t engaged.  We are just having fun living in sin (wink).”  or “Did Sara spin wild tales about us being engaged again?  Tsk Tsk.” or “Engaged?  When did I get engaged?  Sara show me my ring right now!”  It shouldn’t be that difficult a situation to address simply because Sara is at fault for making shit up.  It’s not on you.  You have nothing to feel bad about.

Offline have you told her that it makes you feel uncomfortable that she says you two are engaged?  I think most people will just stop after confronted directly but you MUST confront her directly.  Your silence is tacit acceptance of her shitty behavior.  Finally because she is your boyfriends mother you can ask him to talk to her for you.  Tell him it makes you uncomfortable that she introduces you as a fiancee.  Does it make him uncomfortable too?  Hopefully he can get his Mom to modify her behavior.  Good luck.

Poly

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